Thursday, 24 June 2010

Bonjour Tristesse

For some strange reason I feel I need to explain why I haven't blogged for a while. Simple fact of the matter is I got a bit of stage fright. Its incredible, I'm not even sure anyone reads my blog or my blog posts in their entirety, and I am okay with that. But like an actor who has to go out and perform in a one-woman show to an audience of maybe one or two people (I'm talking from experience having been an audience member on one such occasion), I'm pretty sure there's still a knot in their stomach. That little bit of fear, the holding back moment, when you ask yourself the question 'am I really doing this?' And it probably doesn't matter to them whether that audience is made up of one or one hundred. There's a moment of existential crisis and let's face it those mostly happen in isolation anyway.

So at times like these I reach for the literature - its my only solace when things feel a bit unstable. Here's the opening paragraph from Bonjour Tristesse, probably the book's greatest sentences. How handy that they should come on the first page -

'A strange melancholy pervades me to which I hesitate to give the grave and beautiful name of sadness. In the past the idea of sadness always appealed to me, now I am almost ashamed of its complete egoism. I had known boredom, regret, and at times remorse, but never sadness. Today something envelops me like a silken web, enervating and soft, which isolates me.'
From Bonjour Tristesse by Francoise Sagan

1 comment:

  1. Hello,
    Just to say that this audience member is very, very glad you've returned to the stage as it were. Hoping for the next scene soon!
    Also, thank you for posting the Sagan extract.
    Dora xx